Sex Addiction and the Church Part 2
Sex addiction not only effects those who struggle with the addiction, but also the loved ones as well.
On different Christian websites and magazines I have found countless articles of couples and women telling their stories of how devastating it is to uncover. The formula usually is, the woman kind of suspects but ignores it because this is not something that is talked about in the church and she is usually too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone. Then the guy gets caught and the church finds out and she is embarrassed beyond belief. She feels like her world has been ripped out from under her and she begins to hate her husband.
It is so easy to sit on the sidelines and judge the offender and how the family deals with the crisis, but you cannot know the pain and darkness these people have gone through to be able to come out on the other side of it.
If you are a friend, wife, or family member of someone who is in the middle of the struggle know that A...you are not alone and B...there are things that you can do.
Life and Death are in the Tongue
Watching someone make the same mistake over and over again or who are in denial is the most frustrating thing to deal with. It can bring on unbearable amounts of pain, hurt, and anger. Therefore, sometimes that anger can spill out of our mouths. Sure that person can make you so angry to the point that you will say to someone or yourself "that whore-moungler couldn't be faithful or turn off that darn computer if his life dependent on it!"
Sure it may feel that way and it might even be true up until the moment you said it, but what you don't realize is, is that you are speaking words of death over that person. I know it is hard, because the Lord knows this is my biggest problem, but it is so important to speak words of life no matter how bad it gets.
No matter how dark the situation is, stay on your knees in prayer for that person and continue to believe and speak their deliverance.
Remember
Unless your life has been one big pollyanna party...you too have had things you struggled with or are struggling with and God has delivered you so remember. Always look back on what God has done for you and that person. Also, know that this is not something that can be changed over night...how many people in the Bible did God answer their prayers immediately? Remember that God works in His own time.
Stand in the Gap
Pray without ceasing!
Be There
This does not mean be co-dependent. But don't judge your loves one. Chances are they are condemning themselves internally on a daily basis. Once Satan gets you to sin he loves throwing it in yourself face until you feel unworthy, so it is your job to constantly remind them that God loves him and paid the price for their sin and that they are forgiven.
Get Help
Like stated in the beginning having a loved one struggling with this addiction is painful and you need to find help for yourself. Get on your knees and pray for patience and that God restores your heart. Get connected with others who are going through the same crisis and get wisdom from families who have walked that rode and from victory.
Until the church starts getting honest about this issue...it will continue to run rampant, but it is our job as people of God to stop judging, stop being in denial, and start listening and start leading people to the freedom that we have in Christ.
-Christina Williams
http://www.ncsac.org/addicts/addict_groups.aspx
http://www.webring.com/hub?ring=sexaddictionisaf
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sex Addiction and the Church Part 1
Yesterday I was talking with a friend about the topic of cheating and why do people...actually why do men do it. I started telling her about how it seems that when it comes to sex, I have found sexual addiction is rampant in the church...especially when it comes to ministry.
You see all the time how some well-known minister is caught in an affair and over come it like Jimmy Swagger or you see how some admit to currently battling addiction to porn on a daily basis, like Kirk Franklin. Nowadays when we hear of such things we don't even flinch...its almost like it is expected and when I spent a year in seminary I got a front-row seat as to how bad this epidemic is.
My first semester there I worked part-time at the front desk answering phones which meant that I got to meet a lot of students (mostly male) that were in the program. I became friends with a few and a majority of them were married and already practicing ministers who just wanted to further their education. Well after about a month of working there I would find numbers slipped into my text books by some of the students and sometimes were told how "attractive" my voice sounded when I answered the phone...and some of these comments were made by prospective students!
At first I was appalled and couldn't believe that this problem started so early. I always assumed that it took years for ministers to develop these addictions because they were too busy taking care of their parishioners than themselves, but boy was I wrong. What was even more disheartening was sitting in my Theology I class and hearing these men argue back and forth their theological perspective's or showing off their Greek and Hebrew to the class. I would sit back and think to myself..."well you might now all the Greek meanings of the word sin, but do you know the English definition of the word adultery?"
I had a friend who was in the program and actually single and I asked him why was this such a huge issue and in seminary of all places! What he said made total sense: Satan does NOT want the gospel to go out and he will do anything to hinder that, so he will attack anyone who God has given the gift of ministry to. Thus being that there are mostly men who are in ministry...sex is the easiest thing Satan can use to accomplish his plans. Not to mention that the media is so sex-saturated that he doesn't even have to work that hard! He himself struggle with this addiction up until a year after graduation. After realizing that he had slept with half the women in the church he was interning at...he realized that he needed help.
Now this does not give men in the church an excuse to continue in their sin, but should enlighten them how important it is to put on the Armor of God before they even consider getting out of bed in the morning. But sometimes that is easier said than done and many of us knows or are already caught-up in the mist of this addiction, therefore if you are there are some things that you need to understand.
Be Motivated to Change
Al ot of men think that if they find that perfect mate or get that perfect job in ministry, that their desire to cheat or the need to watch porn constantly will disappear. No matter who you choose or how spiritual the ministry you are involve with, it will not take away that urge. There will always be someone prettier, less complicated, or nicer than who you choose and there will always be a ministry that seems like a more perfect fit than the one you are in. The grass will always be greener on the other side. Sure in the beginning it might seem like it will be enough, but you must not underestimate Satan.
You have to WANT to change regardless of your situation or you will find yourself three months into your relationship, marriage, or ministry back in the same old habits and will eventually wonder how you in ended back in the mire of sin.
Deliverance
Once you acknowledge that you need to change and truly WANT to change you must start getting on your knees and asking the Lord to deliver you from the addiction. Now deliverance is not just a one time deal where God waves a magic wand over you and you go about your merry way, but it is daily accepting the invitation from the Lord to help you. Also, we are imperfect creatures who want to become perfect like Christ, therefore there will be times you fall, but that doesn't mean you stay down, but you get back up again.
Stay Connected
Sexual addiction is just like alcoholism. You cannot do it alone. Therefore, get yourself in a small group with Godly man who you feel safe with discussing your struggles. Also, get connected with an accountability partner who understands your struggles and who is mature in the Lord.
Change Your Environment
People who are recovering from drugs do not go back to their old hunts, therefore get rid of your triggers. I could give examples, but only you know what triggers your behavior.
Be Honest
If you are in a relationship come clean and ask for their help as well in getting you on track. Also, spend much time in prayer and study with them to create a solid bond and a Godly foundation with them.
Beware
Do NOT be fooled into believing that you can never change...that is a lie from Satan. Know that we are conquerors in Christ and surrender yourself unto the Lord.
-Christina Williams
(Pass along to your male friends, especially those in ministry)
For more information:
http://www.sexaa.org/
http://www.porn-free.org/support_groups.htm
You see all the time how some well-known minister is caught in an affair and over come it like Jimmy Swagger or you see how some admit to currently battling addiction to porn on a daily basis, like Kirk Franklin. Nowadays when we hear of such things we don't even flinch...its almost like it is expected and when I spent a year in seminary I got a front-row seat as to how bad this epidemic is.
My first semester there I worked part-time at the front desk answering phones which meant that I got to meet a lot of students (mostly male) that were in the program. I became friends with a few and a majority of them were married and already practicing ministers who just wanted to further their education. Well after about a month of working there I would find numbers slipped into my text books by some of the students and sometimes were told how "attractive" my voice sounded when I answered the phone...and some of these comments were made by prospective students!
At first I was appalled and couldn't believe that this problem started so early. I always assumed that it took years for ministers to develop these addictions because they were too busy taking care of their parishioners than themselves, but boy was I wrong. What was even more disheartening was sitting in my Theology I class and hearing these men argue back and forth their theological perspective's or showing off their Greek and Hebrew to the class. I would sit back and think to myself..."well you might now all the Greek meanings of the word sin, but do you know the English definition of the word adultery?"
I had a friend who was in the program and actually single and I asked him why was this such a huge issue and in seminary of all places! What he said made total sense: Satan does NOT want the gospel to go out and he will do anything to hinder that, so he will attack anyone who God has given the gift of ministry to. Thus being that there are mostly men who are in ministry...sex is the easiest thing Satan can use to accomplish his plans. Not to mention that the media is so sex-saturated that he doesn't even have to work that hard! He himself struggle with this addiction up until a year after graduation. After realizing that he had slept with half the women in the church he was interning at...he realized that he needed help.
Now this does not give men in the church an excuse to continue in their sin, but should enlighten them how important it is to put on the Armor of God before they even consider getting out of bed in the morning. But sometimes that is easier said than done and many of us knows or are already caught-up in the mist of this addiction, therefore if you are there are some things that you need to understand.
Be Motivated to Change
Al ot of men think that if they find that perfect mate or get that perfect job in ministry, that their desire to cheat or the need to watch porn constantly will disappear. No matter who you choose or how spiritual the ministry you are involve with, it will not take away that urge. There will always be someone prettier, less complicated, or nicer than who you choose and there will always be a ministry that seems like a more perfect fit than the one you are in. The grass will always be greener on the other side. Sure in the beginning it might seem like it will be enough, but you must not underestimate Satan.
You have to WANT to change regardless of your situation or you will find yourself three months into your relationship, marriage, or ministry back in the same old habits and will eventually wonder how you in ended back in the mire of sin.
Deliverance
Once you acknowledge that you need to change and truly WANT to change you must start getting on your knees and asking the Lord to deliver you from the addiction. Now deliverance is not just a one time deal where God waves a magic wand over you and you go about your merry way, but it is daily accepting the invitation from the Lord to help you. Also, we are imperfect creatures who want to become perfect like Christ, therefore there will be times you fall, but that doesn't mean you stay down, but you get back up again.
Stay Connected
Sexual addiction is just like alcoholism. You cannot do it alone. Therefore, get yourself in a small group with Godly man who you feel safe with discussing your struggles. Also, get connected with an accountability partner who understands your struggles and who is mature in the Lord.
Change Your Environment
People who are recovering from drugs do not go back to their old hunts, therefore get rid of your triggers. I could give examples, but only you know what triggers your behavior.
Be Honest
If you are in a relationship come clean and ask for their help as well in getting you on track. Also, spend much time in prayer and study with them to create a solid bond and a Godly foundation with them.
Beware
Do NOT be fooled into believing that you can never change...that is a lie from Satan. Know that we are conquerors in Christ and surrender yourself unto the Lord.
-Christina Williams
(Pass along to your male friends, especially those in ministry)
For more information:
http://www.sexaa.org/
http://www.porn-free.org/support_groups.htm
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