Sex Addiction and the Church Part 1

Yesterday I was talking with a friend about the topic of cheating and why do people...actually why do men do it. I started telling her about how it seems that when it comes to sex, I have found sexual addiction is rampant in the church...especially when it comes to ministry.

You see all the time how some well-known minister is caught in an affair and over come it like Jimmy Swagger or you see how some admit to currently battling addiction to porn on a daily basis, like Kirk Franklin. Nowadays when we hear of such things we don't even flinch...its almost like it is expected and when I spent a year in seminary I got a front-row seat as to how bad this epidemic is.

My first semester there I worked part-time at the front desk answering phones which meant that I got to meet a lot of students (mostly male) that were in the program. I became friends with a few and a majority of them were married and already practicing ministers who just wanted to further their education. Well after about a month of working there I would find numbers slipped into my text books by some of the students and sometimes were told how "attractive" my voice sounded when I answered the phone...and some of these comments were made by prospective students!

At first I was appalled and couldn't believe that this problem started so early. I always assumed that it took years for ministers to develop these addictions because they were too busy taking care of their parishioners than themselves, but boy was I wrong. What was even more disheartening was sitting in my Theology I class and hearing these men argue back and forth their theological perspective's or showing off their Greek and Hebrew to the class. I would sit back and think to myself..."well you might now all the Greek meanings of the word sin, but do you know the English definition of the word adultery?"

I had a friend who was in the program and actually single and I asked him why was this such a huge issue and in seminary of all places! What he said made total sense: Satan does NOT want the gospel to go out and he will do anything to hinder that, so he will attack anyone who God has given the gift of ministry to. Thus being that there are mostly men who are in ministry...sex is the easiest thing Satan can use to accomplish his plans. Not to mention that the media is so sex-saturated that he doesn't even have to work that hard! He himself struggle with this addiction up until a year after graduation. After realizing that he had slept with half the women in the church he was interning at...he realized that he needed help.

Now this does not give men in the church an excuse to continue in their sin, but should enlighten them how important it is to put on the Armor of God before they even consider getting out of bed in the morning. But sometimes that is easier said than done and many of us knows or are already caught-up in the mist of this addiction, therefore if you are there are some things that you need to understand.

Be Motivated to Change
Al ot of men think that if they find that perfect mate or get that perfect job in ministry, that their desire to cheat or the need to watch porn constantly will disappear. No matter who you choose or how spiritual the ministry you are involve with, it will not take away that urge. There will always be someone prettier, less complicated, or nicer than who you choose and there will always be a ministry that seems like a more perfect fit than the one you are in. The grass will always be greener on the other side. Sure in the beginning it might seem like it will be enough, but you must not underestimate Satan.

You have to WANT to change regardless of your situation or you will find yourself three months into your relationship, marriage, or ministry back in the same old habits and will eventually wonder how you in ended back in the mire of sin.

Deliverance
Once you acknowledge that you need to change and truly WANT to change you must start getting on your knees and asking the Lord to deliver you from the addiction. Now deliverance is not just a one time deal where God waves a magic wand over you and you go about your merry way, but it is daily accepting the invitation from the Lord to help you. Also, we are imperfect creatures who want to become perfect like Christ, therefore there will be times you fall, but that doesn't mean you stay down, but you get back up again.

Stay Connected
Sexual addiction is just like alcoholism. You cannot do it alone. Therefore, get yourself in a small group with Godly man who you feel safe with discussing your struggles. Also, get connected with an accountability partner who understands your struggles and who is mature in the Lord.

Change Your Environment
People who are recovering from drugs do not go back to their old hunts, therefore get rid of your triggers. I could give examples, but only you know what triggers your behavior.

Be Honest
If you are in a relationship come clean and ask for their help as well in getting you on track. Also, spend much time in prayer and study with them to create a solid bond and a Godly foundation with them.

Beware
Do NOT be fooled into believing that you can never change...that is a lie from Satan. Know that we are conquerors in Christ and surrender yourself unto the Lord.

-Christina Williams

(Pass along to your male friends, especially those in ministry)

For more information:

http://www.sexaa.org/

http://www.porn-free.org/support_groups.htm