Guard your hearts Part 1(For the Women)

So as mentioned before we have all gone down that destructive path of un-requited love, and again as mentioned before I have talked about the self destructive ways in which we deal with it, but now I want to talk about how to avoid it.

By now we all know that the Space-between is a sure-fire way of getting hurt, but the root of why we end up there is because as women, we have a hard time guarding out hearts. In the past I use to live and die by every emotion that I felt, but this was done all internally because I would pretend on the outside that things were fine…until I couldn’t stand it anymore and let it out in…which again it back-fired. What I didn’t understand at the time that it is okay to have certain feelings, especially when it is a fondness or a love for the opposite-sex, but it is how you deal with those feelings that separate the grown-women from the little-girls.

Heart-break after heart-break and self-help book after self-help book has given me the tools to deal with such issues, that once they arise I walk in the full knowledge that I will be able to navigate through my feelings and the relationship without having compromise myself. Let me break this down to you.

Let’s say that unbeknownst to you find that your coworker who you have lunch with about two times a week starts to look a little bit different to you, out of nowhere his smile warms your heart, you start to plan what you wear on those days you guys have lunch…and by golly Fred just isn’t Fred-the-Lunch-Buddy, but has now become Fred-the-Object-of-your-Affection. So what’s a girl to do? Nothing…absolutely nothing.

Okay well there are some things you need to do. First be happy and excited about your new found interest…falling for someone is fun and not something you should deny yourself. But the next thing you need to do is to put those feelings aside. Yes put them aside.

“Oh daughters of Jerusalem…do not stir up love or awaken love until it is ready!” I use to think this verse was just about lust because Song of Songs is a saucy little book in the Bible, but I learned that this verse is actually talking about plain old love too. So many times we go on this slippery-slope of letting ourselves get lost in our feelings for a man and start day-dreaming about what our lives will be with him and mis-interpreting the time you spend with him as “little dates,” and calling our friends to decode every little thing he says to us in hopes he is trying to declare his love in some small way. This behavior is the antithesis of guarding your hearts!

Call me old-fashion or a religious nut-job but I believe that a man who findth a wife findth a good thing, and the last time I checked no where in Proverbs 31 did it say that the woman went out and drag herself a husband home with her.

What am I trying to get at? Well when you feel your heart start to turns towards someone, do not let it cloud your thought-process to the point that you lower your self-respect that you spend too much time trying to prove to him that you are the one for him, or crying yourself to sleep because he told you he had a crush on the girl from accounts-payable. It isn’t his job to keep your heart from breaking; it’s yours so stop dropping it off at his doorstep hopping he will take it in like a lost puppy.

Want to know what Ms. Moxie does to practice this? Well, when this situation arises for me I freak-out like some woman and pretty much deny it to myself and anyone else that those feelings exist. Then after exhausting too much energy on lying to myself, I accept those feelings. Next, I pray that God keeps my feelings in-check until either He releases me to speak (which never really happens), the feelings subside with time, or the guy brings up the topic (which he either feels the same way or he is marring the girl from accounts-payable). And if he does move on to marry her, I don’t feel like I lost out.

Now don’t think because he married the girl from a/p that if you only threw yourself at him that he would just magically wake-up and take you in his arms and that you will live happily-ever-after…America spends too much time watching movies.

Men may not be bright when it comes to telling the difference between off-white and egg-shell white, but they know when a woman shows some interest in him…even if it is sub-conscious or he wants to live in the land of denial. We give hints, which is actually okay because there are a few men who have such low-self esteem that they couldn’t get a hint even if was tattoo on the inside of their eye-lids. But even when we don’t think we are giving off hints, we are. Not to mention that even if the guy doesn’t see it, his friends who are quite objective will and let him in on the secret with a “dude…she is totally into you!”

So now that you know what you shouldn’t do, here is what you can do. You can be nice, you can spend time with him (not too much), you can do nice things for him (within reason), you can use some of your tools from your R.S.K., you can pray for him. If you do it for your friends male or female alike then you can do it for him as well.

Now there can be those times you spend with him that tugs at your heart a bit and that softens your guard and that is okay and natural. But when you leave his presence you need to keep everything in perspective and say to yourself “gee he would make a great partner…if he isn’t for me then I hope the one he is with will appreciate it.” Don’t go home and try to analyze what happen to try to convince yourself that he must feel the same way. Pray again that God protects your heart.

And if you do feel that you need to speak-up then prepare yourself for both yes and no…because the yes can be scarier then the no. Sometimes relationships seem like the best ideal all day in our heads, but in reality aren’t truly what we want because for some of us…we are just in love with being in love.

And for the guys (who I am pretty sure don’t read this blog, but at least the women that do can inform them)…for you guys who are in a situation…I have something to say to you to…